


Started from the Bottom

by gopartially_tosoul



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: F/M, M/M, angst will come later on, kun and taeil are only mentioned, slight! homophobia, taeyong is shy, tags are added as I go, winwin is a dreamer
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-03-02
Updated: 2018-05-15
Packaged: 2018-09-27 17:44:40
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 5,602
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10036751
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gopartially_tosoul/pseuds/gopartially_tosoul
Summary: Taeyong didn't mean for everything to happen this wayHe didn't want to see Sicheng be pulled into him this way'Cause Sicheng wanted to show Taeyong something new about himself everydayBut he didn't realise Taeyong also had more to him than he showed





	1. Sicheng

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A short and blue light

The first time Sicheng fell in love, his mother made sure the rules were set.

Sicheng could never forget how his first love looked. Straight, brown hair and dark brown eyes. Eyes in which Sicheng often drowned when the teacher looked at him. Eyes which were so dark you couldn't see where the pupil stopped and the dark brown of the iris began. Sicheng also noticed the sweet smile the teacher always wore, and his crush started when he noticed how kind, understanding and helpful his teacher was.

He was no older than seven, and his first love was his teacher. In spite of Sicheng thinking his first love could not have been any more innocent, his mother made him believe it was completely out of the ordinary. She couldn’t prevent him from seeing his teacher but she made sure Sicheng understood that what he felt wasn’t right. Sicheng was young, too young to understand he did anything wrong.

The second time Sicheng fell in love, his mother made sure he would never forget the rules.

He was fourteen years old. The day he told his mother how in love he was with his classmate, was the sixth of January and he remembered that day as the day his mother slapped him. It was the first and last time in his life she did that. Sichengs father made sure she wouldn’t ever think of doing that to him again. But the action was done, the message was clear. Sicheng was old enough to understand what he did was wrong.

The third time Sicheng fell in love, he made sure to tell his father before his mother. In the end, he didn’t tell her at all. 

He was nineteen and understood why she was mad. But he was also old enough to disagree with her. And he did disagree heavily with her. His father also disagreed with her, and sometimes, when it was late and Sicheng parents thought he was asleep, they fought loud and long. Sicheng was never asleep.

His teacher’s name was Moon Taeil. His classmate’s naam was Qian Kun. Sicheng’s sexual orientation was homosexual. And Sichengs mother was homophobic. 

Now, she wasn’t that homophobic that she didn’t want to look Sicheng in the eye. She still wanted his happiness and she loved him very much. 

‘Imagine, Sicheng’ his father once explained, ‘if you are very religious. You raise your children the same way, because you think it is the right way to do so. And one day, your child comes up to you and says: “father, I don’t think there exists any God in this world. I don’t want to pray before I go to sleep, I don’t want to pray before I eat. I don’t believe in this religion.” And you would love your child, and you would care for it, and you would still feed him and worry about him and do all the things parents should do for their child. But in your eyes, your child choose a path that isn’t right and you want to prevent your child from getting hurt. Do you understand how your mother thinks about liking boys and not girls?’ Sicheng nodded. He understood. But he still didn’t agree. That's why, when he went to college, he didn't tell his mother about his friends. He told her about the lessons, the teachers, the accomodation and the food. He told her about his grades and how he signed up for the school's volleybal team. He told her about the school acapella group, and about his plans to audition for them. But he never told him about his friends. When she asked him about them, he would brush it off. He would make an excuse to hang up the phone, or he would tell her he studied so hard that he had no time for friends. She didn't get any names of his friends.

Truth be told, he didn't have a lot of friends. Sicheng wasn't that much talk, and he did spend most of his time studying. He did have three boys whose company he enjoyed and one girl. 

'Lee Taeyong' Taeyong's pokerface didn't budge.

‘Dong Sicheng’ ‘It is SiCHENG not SE-cheng’ Sicheng muttered under his breath.

‘And Lalisa.’ ‘It’s LISA. Sir’ She spoke-shouted across the classroom. 

Mr. Ji took off his glasses, walked towards the table and grabbed a piece of paper. ‘It’s stated here clearly: Lalisa Manoban. Are you opposing to your own name, miss?’ ‘No sir, but –‘ ‘Then, Lalisa it is.’ Lisa rolled her eyes in response, and Mr. Ji continued his lesson. ‘You are loud in the back. Nobody forces you to be in this lesson. If any of you is not interested, then please leave.’

‘Sicheng, I love you, you know that?’ Lisa turned towards him. Sicheng didn’t even look at her when he told her he would let her copy his notes, and Lisa was gone within a minute.

‘Did she just leave?’ Jaehyun whispered in Yuta’s ear as soon as Mr. Ji continued his lecture about analysis. ‘She did. What do you think about this drawing I made?’ Yuta showed Jaehyun his drawing, and they continued to quietly speak to each other.

‘Can you guys please shut up? I’m trying to focus here. You guys are not even in this class!’ Taeyong whispered to them, Sicheng trying very hard not to giggle. 

‘Yeah, because we weren’t dumb enough to choose mathematics to study!’ Yuta stuck out his tongue, but kept his mouth shut after that. 

At the end of the class, the boys walked towards the canteen, where Lisa was sitting with her girl friends. ‘I guess she is busy.’ Jaehyun stated while walking towards the coffee machine, and he looked a little betrayed at her. ‘One latte macchiato, please.’ He ordered.

‘Straaaaight…’ Sicheng whispered in his ear. Jaehyun turned his head at the sudden air in his neck. ‘Sicheng? I didn’t know you were here! What… what did you say?’ He looked a little shocked. ‘Jae, relax!’ Sicheng slapped him playfully on the shoulder. ‘I said ‘straight’, not anything insulting. Just because she has friends, doesn’t mean she doesn’t care about you. You know that, right?’ Jaehyun sighed. ‘I’ll just pretend like I have no idea what you are talking about, Sicheng.’ 

‘Do you want me to talk to Yuta about it?’ Jaehyun gulped as he watched Yuta and Taeyong ate. ‘How about you and I watch a movie tomorrow at my place? Maybe some beer? And please don’t tell Yuta anything. Not that there is anything to tell her about. I meant – tell him. Damnit.’

‘Jae, relax. I’ll see you tomorrow.’


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is the beginning, a limitless me

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> heeeeeey  
> sorry for my unregular updating schedule.... tests and assignments are killing me (I'm in my exam year)
> 
> my goal for each chapter is 2K but since the last one was only 1K, here is 3K C:  
> enjoy~~

The next day, Sicheng knocked at the door to Taeyong and Jaehyun's dorm room. Taeyong opened the door and hushed Sicheng in.

'Sichengie~ I didn't know you were coming!' He took his coat from him while Sicheng untied his shoelaces. Sicheng raised his eyebrows. Surely Jaehyun must have told Taeyong he was coming. Speaking of which, where was Jaehyun? He was usually pretty hyper around Sicheng, as they were the same age. Whenever Jaehyun saw Sicheng, he started screaming or frantically waving. How come Jaehyun hadn't opened the door in excitement?

  
'Jaehyun didn't tell you, hyung?' He looked up at Taeyong, leaning against the doorpost.

  
'Jaehyun? Did you agreed to meet here?' Taeyong put his hand on the small of Sichengs back and walked them to the couch.

  
'Yeah, we were going to watch a movie.'

  
'Well, seems like he also kept some information from you. He's still in the gym, he just texted me he's gonna come back after midnight.'

  
'Midnight?!' Sichengs eyes widened. Jaehyun totally forgot about their movie. 'Whyyyyy' Sicheng whined.

  
'Ah, so cute~' Taeyong smiled and pinched Sicheng's cheeks. 'You know, I don't have any plans for tonight. We can watch a movie together if you want to? Since Jaehyun isn't here...' He looked at the ground.

  
Sicheng smiled at his request, and nodded. Taeyong let Sicheng choose a movie and they started watching it. Twenty minutes in the movie, Sicheng noticed how Taeyong was holding his knees. His eyes looked a bit shocked, and honestly Sicheng regretted choosing Se7en, when he saw Taeyong reacted like this. He grabbed the controller and paused the movie.

  
'Taeyong-hyung? Are you okay?'

  
'When I let you choose a movie, I didn't know you were into thrillers....' Taeyong's voice trembled so much, Sicheng immediately hugged him to calm him down, but stepped away when he felt Taeyong tense up under him.

  
'I'm so sorry, hyung...' Sicheng didn't knew if he was apologizing for the hug or for his choice of movie. 'I didn't know you couldn't handle it.'

  
'I guess we really don't know much about each other, Sichengie~' Taeyong smiled, but it was still uncomfortable from watching the movie. Sicheng frowned. Taeyong was right. Taeyong was Jaehyun's roommate, that is how they met each other. They had some subjects together, but since they both were good students, they didn't talk much during class. To Sicheng, he was just there. They weren't really friends, although they hung out with the same people. This actually was the first time they spend time with just the two of them, not anyone else. Still, it didn't feel awkward. Maybe it was because Taeyong treated him like Sicheng breathed aegyo? He felt a bit like an older brother, taking care of him.

  
Of course, Taeyong didn't always feel like an older brother. When Sicheng looked at him during class, it was hard looking away from that side view. Taeyong really was very handsome, something Sicheng wasn't planning on denying. At those times, Sicheng had to think of Kun. he was already rejected once by somebody straight, and he had to remind himself that falling for a straight person didn't do anything but harm. But he looked so much like he was a model. Damn, if he wasn't already gay, Taeyong probably had made him change his mind.

But apart from being handsome and caring, he mostly was a big mystery. As he found out in a painful way today, he really didn't know anything about Taeyong. He knew Taeyong was older, he knew that he studied Mathematics and that he was Jaehyun's roommate. He had good grades and liked to call him Sichengie instead of simply Sicheng. Lastly, he couldn't stomach graphic content. But that's all he knew about his hyung. Was it intentional? Did he just not like letting people in? Or did he make an effort to be this mysterious. It made Sicheng self-conscious, he had no effort in telling people what he thought, what he liked and what he was like.

Taeyong coughed, interrupting Sicheng's train of thought. 'I don't think I'm feeling to well. I'm gonna get a glass of water.' he declared. 

Sicheng stumbled after him, feeling guilty. 

'I feel very stupid hyung, I really don't know anything about it, and I feel so stupid for not even considering it.'

'Don't think about it, Sicheng. It wasn’t that bad.’ The paleness of Taeyong's face told a completely different story.

'I want to make it up to you. What can I do to make you feel better?' Taeyong put down his glass of water and eyed Sicheng, who was biting his lip. 'I don't know, I just don't want to think about that movie. I gotta distract myself someway.' Sicheng nodded fervently, already looking around him, but he didn’t see anything immediately. Suddenly, an amazing idea came into his head, and he rushed towards the refrigerator.

‘Sichengie? What are you doing?’

“Eggs, butter… I think it’s all in here.’ He closed the door and looked at Taeyong with a sparkle in his eyes. ‘Hyung! Let’s bake some cookies!’ Taeyong’s eyebrows shut up in suprise at that comment. Baking cookies was the last thing he had imagined doing tonight.

‘I’m sorry, but I don’t know how to do that.’

‘I do! Don’t worry hyung, I’m going to teach you! Afterwards, we can eat them while they’re still hot. You won’t regret this!’ He was already getting the butter and the eggs from the refrigerator, and started looking for some sugar and flower. ‘You even have cinnamon! We can make cinnamon-cookies, hyung!’

‘I don’t know, Sichengie. I’m your hyung, shouldn’t I be teaching you?’

‘That’s a lame excuse. All the ingredients are here,’ Sicheng waved his hand at the ingredients he put on the kitchen table ‘and the recipe is in my head. What can go wrong?’

 

Apparently, a lot could go wrong. The recipe wasn’t in Sicheng’s head, after all and they just tried to put things together. I didn’t work really well. They ended up with a dirty kitchen, dirty hands (‘Sicheng, stop putting that in your mouth! There’s raw egg in that!’) and something that was way too fluid to be called dough.

‘I’m sorry hyung…’ Sicheng said with slumping shoulders. ‘I didn’t intend to ruin this night or the dough. Or the kitchen. You didn’t even want to do this to begin with! I guess I’m not as good as I thought I was.’

‘Don’t worry about it. I don’t know how to make cookies, but I can cook. The dough just needs a whole lot of flower. We can fix this!’ Sicheng wasn’t as hopeful as Taeyong, but threw in the flower nevertheless whole the elder mixed the dough. Soon, it looked like real dough. When Taeyong wasn’t looking, Sicheng tasted a bit and it tasted fine.

‘I’m gonna take it from here!’ Sicheng said firmly, his confidence regained. Taeyong looked amused, because there really wasn’t anything to do anymore. ‘Taeyong, you should sit at the table!’ Sicheng exclaimed while he the bag of flower and threw the last bits on the table.

‘No ‘hyung’ ?’ Taeyong frowned, but went on to sit nevertheless.

‘Ah, I’m sorry!’ Sicheng blushed a little, but went on and splitted the dough in two parts, and placed one in front of Taeyong. Now, he only needed one more thing…

‘Where are the cookie cutters and knives?’ Sicheng looked at Taeyong curiously, trying to be cute on purpose.

‘Sichengie, I can get them, you don’t –‘ ‘No, I’ll get them!!’ Sicheng was too enthousiastic, so Taeyong just smiled and told him were the tools were. Sicheng grabbed them and placed them in front of the both of them.

‘We’re going to make these cookies, but no one can be the same, allright?’

‘How are we gonna do that if we only have a round shape, a heart and a square? We can’t make all this dough into three cookies?!’ Taeyong said with wide eyes, looking at the kilo of dough in front of him. Sicheng’s part was even bigger, but he was laughing with sparkling eyes.

‘That’s why we need to decorate them. You can cut things into them with your knives.’ Sicheng was starting to pick a piece of cookie dough and flatten it, already filled with ideas.

‘Aaah, okay.’ Taeyong just said dumbly, but Sicheng was already too busy with cutting out a heart-shaped cookie.

 

When Sicheng cut four cookies, Taeyong coughed again. ‘You really get lost in your own world, don’t you?’

‘Hmm, what did you say?’ Sicheng ripped his attention away from his mother’s name which he was busy carving into the cookie. He was only just processing that he had in fact said something. He looked up at the elder, who was already looking at him with big eyes. Sicheng looked at his eyes a second too long for it to be casual. Taeyong let out a full laugh in return to his staring. ‘I said you get lost in your own world, and you just proven my point.’ Sicheng blushed.

‘I guess so.’

‘Every minute I spend time with you, I learn something new.’ Sicheng’s ears grew red. He became self-conscious again. ‘You know,’ he told Taeyong, ‘I hate it that I’m so easy to read, easy to figure out. I feel like people know me without me wanting them to.’

‘Is that a bad thing? Showing people who you really are?’ Taeyong looked at Sicheng with big eyes, a slight hint of worry in his eyes. Sicheng looked at Taeyong, but couldn’t come up with a good answer.

‘I don’t know.’ He muttered under his breath. ‘I think so. I just realised that I’m doing it right this moment.’

‘Yeah, you are.’ Sicheng looked at Taeyong for a millisecond and saw he was smiling. Sicheng tried to smile, too, although it was fake. Now he was already being himself, while taeyong was just sitting there. He guessed that it was good to ask Taeyong about himself.

‘Let’s talk about something else! Tell me about yourself! Tell me about your past or your family or your deepest secrets and worries!’ Sicheng eyed Taeyong hopefully, while he weaved his fingers together and leaned his chin on them. He witnessed Taeyong’s smile turn upside down. ‘I’d prefer not to.’ He answered in a voice that told Sicheng he wasn’t kidding.

‘Allright, maybe not your deepest worries and secrets. But anything else?’

‘I… I don’t know. Can we go on with the cookies?’ Taeyong looked legit uncomfortable right now. He hugged himself and made an effort to look at everything that wasn’t Sicheng. After a few seconds of silence, he stood up to fill his glass with more water.

Sicheng cursed at himself in his mind. Taeyong was the most mysterious man he ever met, and this intrigued him. He wanted Taeyong to be intrigued by him, too. How could he just show everything about himself to Taeyong, when he wouldn’t do the same to him? Now, he also made the whole atmosphere really awkward. This was not his intention at all. He decided there and then that, from now on, he would slowly show Taeyong more and more about himself. Sicheng felt like he didn’t want to fuck his friendship up. Maybe it was the way that he looked so adorable in his oversized sweater hugging himself, or the way he looked when he was concentrating, or the way he said ‘Sichengie’ like Sicheng was only two years old, but he didn’t want to fuck up his friendship with Lee Taeyong.

Still, a friendship would mean some shared common knowledge.

‘Taeyong-hyung! Just… three questions, all right? And if they are… not good or uncomfortable you don’t have to answer them!’

Taeyong looked at him with a burning stare, his lips tight. It was silence for a minute, before he closed his eyes. ‘One question.’ He sighed, a smile already threatening to appear on his face.

‘Two!’

“…”

“Pleaaaaaaase!”

“Allright, two! Now stop it with those eyes!” The smile broke free on Taeyong’s face, just by looking at Sicheng’s puppy-eyes. Let’s be honest, who could resist it?

Sicheng didn’t think he could actually get to ask two questions. What was he gonna ask? He looked at Taeyong, who was looking at him with a pokerface. All his features stood out this way. His nose, his jaw, his pretty and big eyes. His lips whose size were just perfect and his hair which looked to soft. Taeyong bit his lip. Damn. _He is straight, Sicheng!_ The elder clugged down his glass of water, while Sicheng was staring at the way his adam’s apple bobbed up and down _…. Right?_

‘Are you gay?’ Sicheng blurted out. Taeyong immediately choked.

After a few chaotic minutes of Taeyong trying not to die and Sicheng doing his best to apologize and help Taeyong with being alive, but actually making the whole situation worse, they both sat down on their chairs. They both were silent, and the younger was silently praying he had forgotten the question altogether.

‘Well, that was an unexpected question.’

Damn it. Of course he hadn’t. Sicheng tried to laugh, but only an awkward-ass laugh came from his mouth. Taeyong had a hard time not choking again, but this time of laughter the way Sicheng looked and sounded.

‘Forget about it…’ Sicheng muttered, not looking at Taeyong. ‘It was a stupid, weird-ass question.’ Sicheng frowned. Although he knew it was weird and out of the blue, he stilled wanted to know. And the fact that Taeyong didn’t deny it for the past few minutes, made him get his hopes up.

‘Nah, it’s cool. Honestly, I don’t know.’ Taeyong answered. ‘I guess I never thought about it.’ Sicheng’s eyebrows shot into his hairline. _Taeyong isn’t straight???_

‘I mean… okay.’ He tried to say in a normal way, but his mind was rambling at a 1000 miles per minutes. _HE ISN’T STRAIGHTTTTTTTTTTTTT_!!!!!

When Sicheng thought about the situation a few days later, he wondered how he got his excited. First, Sicheng wasn’t in love with Taeyong; he just thought he was handsome. Taeyong being gay wouldn’t really matter. Second, Taeyong didn’t even say whether he was straight, asexual, pan or gay whatsoever, he just said he didn’t know. Third, even though Sicheng felt like it was at the time, he didn’t say ‘I’m super-duper gay and I’m so in love with you right now!’. He said ‘I don’t know if I’m straight.’. No confession, no nothing.

But Sicheng was a hopeful boy, and a ‘I don’t know’ wasn’t the ‘No’ he was expecting. He was happy.

‘Earth to Sicheng, earth to Sicheng.’ Taeyong waved his hand in front of Sicheng. He smiled when the younger blinked rapidly and looked confused. ‘You were lost in your own mind again. What were you thinking about?’ Sicheng blushed, not wanting to admit that he was thinking about the person in front of him.

‘Nothing! Just cute bunnies!’ he smiled innocently and tried to put up his magic eyes, in hopes Taeyong wouldn’t ask further questions. It worked. _Obviously._

‘Taeyong turned a tiny bit shy and started cutting a cookie again. ‘Sichengie?’ ‘Hmm?’ ‘Why did you ask me if I was gay?’ he asked the younger. The younger looked from Taeyong’s cookie to his eyes.

‘Well I…’ _No more telling Taeyong everything about you!_ ‘Do you mind, hyung?’ _He almost DIED, of course he minds._

‘It was just… after begging THAT hard for two questions, I thought you would ask me something … ah nevermind. It just was unexpected, and not a real standard question to ask. I guess I’m just curious, you know.’

Sicheng nodded. Yes, he knew. What he didn’t know was, how Taeyong didn’t already know he was gay. Only gay people would ask ‘are you gay’. What a naïve hyung. He snickered and then also turned to finish his cookies. A silence overcame them while they focused on their task, but Sicheng didn’t know whether it was comfortable or awkward.

When they finally put the cookies in the oven, he knew the answer. It was an awkward silence.

‘We… need to clean the kitchen, hyung.’ Sicheng awkwardly stiffened. All of this mess was his fault. Taeyong tried to clean things up, while he just put everything everywhere and splattered the fluid dough around the kitchen.

Taeyong looked at the kitchen, and was that …. Panic?

‘Hyung, I’ll do it.’

‘No, no! It’s fine, I’ll do it.’

‘But… I made this mess. It’s my fault, I should clean it up.’

‘I’m just to cleaning, I want to do it.’ In the end, Sicheng gave in. It wasn’t like he actually wanted to clean up, and if Taeyong insisted on doing it…. Who was he to reject him?

‘Why don’t you go and think of a GOOD movie, I’ll be with you in a second.’

‘Allright.’

While he Sicheng scrolled through Netflix, he got lost in his own thoughts for the nth time tonight. Was the atmosphere awkward? Was it his fault? Or was Taeyong just like that: shy and a bit awkward? Probably the latter. In class, Taeyong was always silent and concentrated. While Taeyong studied Mathematics and he studied Physics, the subject had quite a few subjects together. They knew each other through Jaehyun, and always sat next to each other. Sicheng did so because he didn’t need any more friends than he already had. He was happy with Yuta, Jaehyun and Lisa. And Taeyong, of course, but he would only really call Taeyong his friend because they were in the same friend-group and not because they were close, unfortunately.

He wanted to be. Close. With Taeyong. Taeyong was a mystery he wanted to unrevel.

Sicheng suddenly knew what his second question was going to be.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I can't guarantee a date to my next update, although I've got the whole story mapped out so I def won't abandon this!  
> Thanks for reading <3


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I followed a light that led me to a maze in the dream

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Because I didn't upload for a long time, here is a short summary:  
> Sicheng lived his childhood as an only child of his homophobic mother. Now he's in college, with his friends: Jaehyun, Yuta, Lisa en Taeyong. After Sicheng came over to Taeyong and Jaehyun's dorm rooms to watch a movie with the latter, he ended up baking cookies with Taeyong. Now let's continue!

“Why are we not friends?”

  
Taeyong had just walked in to the living room, followed by the scent of delicious cookies! “Excuse me?” he said as he sat down on the couch.  
“Well.. that’s my second question, hyung! Why we’re not friends. Pretty much everyone else in our friendgroup are friends! Except, well… Jaehyun and Lisa of course.” Sicheng rolled his eyes. Jaehyun really needed do act upon his feelings for Lisa sometime soon.

  
“What? Did something happen between them, are they not friends anymore?”

  
“What are you talking about… no! Jaehyun has a huge crush on her. I meant, that Jaehyun wants to be MORE than friends. You knew about his crush, right?”

  
“I actually didn’t.” Taeyong stared at the blank TV, deep in thought. Sicheng shruggd. “I mean… it’s not like Jaehyun is eyeballing her all. The time.” “Wow. I should have known, shouldn’t I? Considering we’ve been friends for years…” Sicheng wasn’t sure Taeyong was talking to him at this point, as he was more mumbling to the black TV with an empty look in his eyes than wait, did he just say “considering we’ve been friends for years”? College just started a few months ago..

  
“You’ve… known Jaehyun from before college?” Sicheng awkwardly scratched his neck.

  
“Whaaaaaat? What are you talking about… hahahaha! HAHAHAH! Ha… haha…” Taeyongs loud, way too obvious fake laughing silenced down and Sicheng raised an eyebrow. Like it wasn’t awkward already. “Okay, it’s true. But! That was already your third question, so I don’t have to answer it! Haha!”

  
“Well, it’s not like you actually answered my second question! Why aren’t we friends?” It was very weird that he tried to hide the fact that he and Jaehyun have been friends for a while longer than he thought. How important was that? He’d just let it sit for now. Maybe he’ll ask Jaehyun about it later.

  
“I don’t… I don’t know.” He seemed frustrated. His beautiful face showed a few wrinkles as he was deep in thought. “You know, lalisa has a really strong personality. She is not afraid to say what she thinks, and is extremely social. Jaehyun has this crazy energy, is super friendly and kind. And yuta… well he’s crazy alright.” Sicheng snickered at how truthful that was, and taeyong smirked, too. “But I think that they are maybe the one who made friends with us? And not the other way around. At least, that’s how it went down for me.”

  
“Well.. Jaehyun sat next to me during my first class and started talking to me. Through him I met you and lalisa, yeah. She felt very comfortable with me really quickly, though! I knew way too much about her sexual life after we’ve known each other for like… 2 weeks!” Taeyong laughed hard, and it was beautiful.

  
“Wow, I had almost the same experience!” he laughed. “Sometimes I think her girl friends know less about her sexual experiences than we do! Or, I hope… knowing more than we do, that’d kill someone!” Now Sicheng was the one throwing his head back.

  
“Yuta had some kind of crush on you, definitely.” Taeyong suddenly said. Taeyong later told Sicheng that his change of expression in that moment was still one of the funniest things in Taeyongs life. In the moment itself, Taeyong truly threw his head back and laughed really hard. “I meant like… as a mom! Like he had a mom-crush on you! Geez, I didn’t say he was going to propose!” He kept on laughing really hard, and if Sicheng himself was not trying to calm down his gay heart, he might have worried for the neighbours filing a noise complaint.

  
“Do admit though: he babies you SO MUCH!”

  
“I mean… I won’t refuse that! He can be kind of much, though.” Sicheng shrugs.

  
“Anyways, back to your question: I think maybe, we’re both just shy. We don’t step out to people and make friends. We’ve both been silent, you know.” “Yeah, you’re probably right.”

  
“Taeyong, are you still awake?” Jaehyun’s keys clicked in the door, and he slowly entered the dorm. “It smells so good in here.. Oh, Sicheng, what are you doing here? I didn’t know you and Taeyong were friends!”

  
“Uh.. we’re not, in fact.” Sicheng points out. He and Taeyong shared an awkward look. “But we had an appointment, to watch a movie, right? We need to talk about Lisa, dude.” Sicheng gave his most gay look, and trust me he didn’t have a lot of those.

  
Suddenly, Jaehyun remembered. “OH RIGHT!!! We had that! I’m so sorry!” “Oh, it’s fine.” Sicheng stood up from the couch and started to gather his stuff. “Let’s do it tomorrow. I think the cookies are almost done, so let me get my half and then get out. I have 9 AM college tomorrow, I’ll go to sleep.”

  
Taeyong rubbed his head. “Yeah, I really need some sleep as well.”

  
“See you tomorrow!”

  
“Sleep well!”

The next day after college, Sicheng was looking for Taeyong. Unintentionally, he took Taeyongs jacket instead of his own home. Taeyong wasn’t at the cafetaria, where he usually was studying. He wasn’t at the library, either.

  
He just kinda walked mindlessly through the hallway now, when he suddenly he heard Taeyongs voice. Excitedly, he turned the corner to see taeyong standing in an empty hallway, calling someone. He was holding his phone in one hand and he was hugging himself with his other hand. He was rubbing over his casual oversized dress shirt, looking very distressed. Nevertheless, Sicheng couldn’t help but notice how effortly beautiful he looked. How did he notice before? His usual too-big clothes were flattering in a weird way, though they hid his body. The fabric of his clothes always fell just right, the colours somehow could bring out tones in his hair that weren’t there the day before.

  
But he also seemed a little sick.

  
“What are you talking about? No! It’s not what it seems, I promise…” It seemed like it was a heated argument. Jaehyun, I’d do anything not to go back there.” He sounded utterly desperate, Sicheng simply had no other words for it.

  
It was silent for a moment, although he could he hear Jaehyun – he assumed it was him- talking quickly on the other end of the line.

  
“You KNOW!” Taeyong whispered, voice breaking. He coughed, breathing quick. He was clearly trying to keep himself together, and he was also clearly struggling. Why was Sicheng still listening at this point? “You know I Still have nightmares!” Taeyong said with his voice now angry.

  
This was definitely the right moment to step in. “Uhm? Hello, Taeyong. I wanted to give you… this. You accidently gave me all the cookies...” Taeyong turned around slowly, with big eyes looking at Sicheng. The disbelief in his face was one Sicheng would never see at that level in anyone’s face ever again. His usually already pale skin was now so white he looked sick. He had dark circles in his eyes, and it looked like his soul just got exhausted from that phone call.

  
“Sichengie~ What are you.. how long have you been listening? Listen Jaehyun, Sicheng’s here, I’m going to call you back. In the meantime, don’t even think about it!” Taeyong hung up and looked at him with a mix of emotions Sicheng hoped he would never see again. There was confusion, anger, stress and fear. A lot of fear. It was written on his face. What was he so afraid for? There was a silence as the looked at ach other in suspense.

  
“I’ve been here for… not so long actually. Like, 10 seconds? I was looking for you…” The silence continued. I need to get out of this situation, NOW. “I took your jacket, yesterday.”

  
“You did?” His voice sounded raspy. Taeyong scraped his throat. “I mean, I didn’t notice.” He slowly walked towards the younger boy, and took the jacket from his arms. “What exactly did you hear?” Taeyong stared deeply into his eyes, and suddenly he had an extra reason for wanting out of this situation. He suddenly felt like if he wouldn’t run now, his leg would soon be too weak to even stand.

  
“Nothing… nothing! Nothing important. I’m just, gonna go.” He slowly took two steps back. “Gotta run. Bye!” He turned around as quickly as he could, and fastwalked away. All the alarms in his head were ringing, this wasn’t good. He should not have heard that.

  
Once he turned the corner, he ran away even faster. What was that? Taeyong said he wouldn’t want to go back there, but back WHERE? What place could be so bad that Taeyong was having nightmares about it, that he was desperate to not return, that he was crying at the idea of going back? What happened in his past, that he wanted to stay hidden so bad? What was that conversation about?

  
It sounds like he needed help.

  
The person with the handsome features and the shy personality had more secrets than Sicheng had thought, and he only become more passionate in unravelling the mystery that was Lee Taeyong.


End file.
